An Open Letter to the Spider in my Bathroom

Dear Incy

First of all, let me make it clear that I have no objection to spiders in my house. You and your relatives do a far better job than flysprays or fly papers, and I am perfectly happy for you to set up your living quarters in a discreet part of the kitchen.

However, I am far less happy about sharing my bathroom with you. Last week I had to rescue two of your relatives from the bath while it was filling by scooping them out with the toothmug and dumping them in the wash basin. As the plug was out, I trust they made a safe escape.

You yourself are a different proposition. You are a great deal bigger, and when I spotted you I was already in the bath. You, fortunately for me, were not; you were on the wall above the bath and strolling gently down it. The result was that what should have been a long, hot soak became a short, hot soak. Tonight I checked everywhere before running the bath, and you are so big I was sure I couldn't miss you.

All went well until I got out of the bath, reached for the bathrobe and saw you on the shoulder. A short skirmish with the toothmug resulted in you beating a strategic retreat to the door, allowing me to retrieve my bathrobe and in turn beating a strategic retreat to the front room.

I have left the bathroom door open. All you have to do is cross a small lobby and you will find yourself in the kitchen. I assure you that you will get much better pickings there.

Hoping you will take the hint, and our future dealings will be in circumstances more pleasing to both of us,

Yours sincerely

Sollers